Summertime Musings and Changes to Charlotte Ate Pie

Since I haven't blogged in such a long time, I just thought I'd share some thoughts on the events of the past few weeks.

1. The End of Senior Year. So much happened during the first two weeks of June. Prom was so amazing: I had a rockin' dress, a super-cute date, and amazing friends to party with. Quite an incredible night. Somehow I managed to pass my last quarter with flying colors and got an award for being a good person from the first paraplegic to graduate from Radnor. I had the good fortune of meeting her and she was such a sweet, courageous woman. I'm so proud to be compared to her and I hope I can do her proud in college and beyond. Graduation was totally bizarre. I was used to the atmosphere after playing in the band for the last two ceremonies, but it was weird to be the one being honored. I didn't cry or anything, but I did get pretty misty. I'm an alumnus. How'd that happen?

2. My Highly Productive Summer. So far this summer, I've done a zillion errands; visited the majority of my family; been to three dance recitals; gotten certified in lifeguarding, CPR, AED, first aid, and oxygen administration; gone to an audition workshop with the 11th Hour Theatre Company; and become gainfully employed by HomeGoods. Currently I'm taking a class in ear-training and sight singing with my voice teacher. I'm also trying to finish a bunch of books by the end of the summer, watch a few seasons of some TV shows my friends have lent me (specifically Queer as Folk and How I Met Your Mother...I feel the need to watch TV shows from the beginning now), write more often, and see my friends. This summer may be my first summer home in forever but I'm still keeping busy.

3. The Many Musical Adventures of Charlotte. Since I'll be home for most of the summer, I'm trying to go to a buttload of concerts. This Saturday I saw Matt and Kim play a free show at the Piazza at Schmidt's. It was quite a fun show, really one big party. I had a fantastic time. Still on my schedule are The Arcade Fire and Spoon (8/2), Warped Tour (7/16), and Paramore with New Found Glory and Tegan and Sara (8/4). I'm also volunteering at the XPoNential Music Festival on July 18th and I'm super-siked. A bunch of bands are playing that day, including Dawes, Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, Dr. Dog and Robert Randolph and the Family Band, all of whom I'm so pumped to hear.

4. Converting to Tumblr. As we near the first anniversary of this blog's existence, I think it may be time for a change. I love Blogger, truly. They're set-up is really easy, and they've allowed me to share my musings with the world, which is awesome. However, I always feel like blogging is such a big production on here: I feel like I'm expected to write a lot. I don't mind rambling, which I often end up doing, but it's rather time-consuming. Sometimes I just want to share a link to some other content or a song or picture and some brief thoughts on that. I think that Tumblr will allow me to do just that and still write some quality content. It'll also force me to stop myself from rambling. So I'll do a little internet experiment and if it doesn't work out I guess I'll find some way to fix it up. One is allowed mistakes on the internet...unless they involve nude photos or libel.

Fives.

5 Songs for Graduation Excluding "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day and "Graduation (Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C:
1. "When You Come Back Down" - Nickel Creek
2. "One Clock" - Julia Nunes
3. "The Art of Falling" - Greg Holden
4. "When My Time Comes" - Dawes
5. "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" - Baz Luhrmann

5 Movies I Need to See:
1. MYSTERY TEAM! DERRICK COMEDY FOR THE WIN!
2. Sex and the City 2. I almost went to the midnight premiere last night...almost.
3. Toy Story 3. The kid goes to college and leaves his toys behind. Tell me that's not poignant.
4. Iron Man 2. Notice how most of these are sequels...
5. Inception. Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Marion Cotillard, Joseph Gordon-Levitt...but I'm not just in it for the cast...

5 Cramazing Things I've Done in the Past Few Weeks:
1. Went to Boston on my last band trip ever. Roller coasters were rode (at Six Flags New England), boats were partied on, trophies were won (BEST OVERALL HIGH SCHOOL PARADE BAND, SUCKAHS!), and a good time was had by all.
2. Saw Coheed & Cambria live. The mosh pit-induced bruises were very much worth it.
3. Took the AP Spanish Exam.
4. Finished AP Gov!
5. Got a Choral Scholarship to Drexel!

5 Concerts I'm Determined to See This Summer:
1. WARPED TOUR. July 16, Susquehanna Bank Center.
2. XPoNential Music Festival, July 16-18, Wiggins Park.
3. Honda Civic Tour featuring Paramore, New Found Glory, Tegan and Sara, and Kadawatha, August 4, Festival Pier.
4. The Dave. Wherever he may be.
5. The Spring Standards. At some point.

1 Serious Life Changes to Come in the Next Two Weeks:
1. Graduation from High School.

Men in Turbans Can Best Describe How I Feel

I've really got a flair for the dramatics, don't I? As much as I try to restrain myself from broadcasting my internal drama to the world, I felt like that last post had to be said. I can only write what I feel, and the other day I felt pretty horrible, which has been a recurring theme over the last couple of months. So, I'm doing my best to keep myself happy, which is a lot easier to do when you've stopped caring about school. I dramatically decreased my stress level by backing out of the US Government and English AP exams. I really wasn't going to get any credit for them unless I got a 5 and I really wasn't looking forward for studying. Either way, I'll be two steps closer to graduating tomorrow: I've got my Gov final in the morning (pray for me) and my graduation project presentation in the afternoon. I really can't believe this year is almost over. I expect the next month and a half to be a whirlwind of emotions...

4/30 - Gov final and Graduation Project Presentation
5/3 - Russ's Birthday!
5/4 - AP Spanish Exam. Fuck.
5/5 - Last Band Concert
5/7 - Phillies Game!
5/8 - Dale's Bridal Shower in New York. My family members are starting their own families. Weird.
5/9 - One year. :-D
5/14 - 5/18 - Last Band Trip to Boston!
5/19 - Denzel Washington. Fences. New York. Fuck yes.
5/22 - Coheed & Cambria concert!
5/23 - Last Band Banquet. :(
5/31 - Last Memorial Day Parade
6/2 - Last Meisters Concert. Possibly ever. Eek.
6/5 - PROOOOOOOOOOOM!
6/9 - 6/11 - Last Radnor finals!
6/13 - Baccalaureate
6/16 - GRADUATION. Holy nuts.

It's going to be quite a ride. I'm so glad my college friends are starting to come home, I've missed them all quite dearly.

Either I'm feeling better or I'm losing my mind because this is ridiculously entertaining. Thank you, Evan.

Dear Friend,

"I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have...I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist. I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it's that simple. At least that's what I've heard.
So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."
- Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

So I know you don't exactly know what I'm going through. No one knows that but me. Shit, I don't even know what I'm feeling half the time or more importantly why I'm feeling it. All I know is that I don't want to go through it anymore. I can't live like this, if you can call this living. I saw how you were, though, and I can relate. I'm so much like you. I'm just so cautious, though...I'm so caught up in the bad things that I can't see the good that this could do. Then I look at you. You seem like you're OK now. Maybe not totally OK but at least...better. That's what I want. I want to be better. That's never going to happen if I don't give this a shot. I don't have to just put up with this. You didn't.

I won't call this giving up. I'll call it just trying something different. And I know that I can talk to you and someday I will. Everyone deserves a shot at being OK...why not me? I'm still hopeful.

Kate Nash got it right. This time it will be different.

Bring the Future Faster

Things I Have to Do in the Next Three Weeks:

• Create and give my graduation project presentation
  
• Study for and take three AP exams (English Lit, Spanish, and U.S. Government and Politics)
• Read Pride and Prejudice
• Memorize "Spark of Creation" from the musical Children of Eden (a musical with no cast recording on iTunes, lovely) for my voice recital next Sunday,
  
• Take my Gov final eventually, along with about 4 other tests this week
• Find shoes for prom, get my dress tailored, book appointments and organize a limo
• Plan an end-of-the-season party for the Middle School Guard
• Save my choir teacher's job.

Things I Want to Do in the Next Three Weeks:

• Sleep.

I guess it was too much to ask for an easy end to the year. On top of trying to graduate, the school district made some major budget cuts and decided to let go of 3 music teachers. Unfortunately our choir director is the third most junior music teacher in the district and could be on the chopping block. We're all working diligently to make sure he doesn't go and that the choral program and musical stay in tact next year, but sometimes I just don't feel up to the fight. I feel really bad about it, too, since I want to help him and the underclassmen out. I'm doing the best I can to make sure there is a musical and a choir next year, but sometimes my best doesn't feel like it's enough.

I really can't wait for APs to be over with. Fortunately and unfortunately all three of my tests fall in the same week. Even though my brain will be completely fried by that weekend, I'll be done with them, and I'll have an entire week to relax and get ready for our band trip to Boston the next weekend. I'm really looking forward to the trip this year; we're going to Six Flags, seeing Blue Man Group, and visiting Salem. Not to mention Boston is just a cool town :). The trip will be pretty bittersweet since it's my last, but I can't wait to spend five days with my favorite band/guard nerds.

Committing to a school feels kind of weird. I mean, the fact that I'll be in college in 4 months is bizarre itself; it feels like just yesterday that I was making a list of places I was remotely interested in. I'm happy to be done with the stress of choosing, though. If I still had that decision hanging over my head, these next few weeks would be even more torturous. I love Drexel, too. Accepted Students Day last Saturday was awesome and I can't wait to start in the fall. :)

I also saw the musical Rooms: A Rock Romance last Saturday with my dad at the Prince Music Theater in Philly. It was an intimate two-person rock musical centered around two Scottish musicians in the late 1970s - Ian, a gloomy guitarist, and Monica, an ambitious singer-songwriter. The two pair up when Monica asks Ian to help her write a song for her neighbor's bat mitzvah. They find they have not only creative chemistry but romantic chemistry and take the emerging punk rock scene by storm. Rooms is kind of the Scottish lovechild of Rent and The Last Five Years in that it is highly energetic but also rather intimate. I felt like I was really in the story, and felt every emotion the characters did. The songs are super-catchy and mostly appeal to fans of contemporary musical theatre (though my dad who generally doesn't like most rock musicals really enjoyed it). I would highly recommend Rooms. It's playing in the Prince Music Theater's Independence Studio until May 2nd and is presented by the 11th Hour Theatre Company.

THE ULTIMATE COLLEGE MASCOT SHOWDOWN!

Once I received all of my college acceptances, I found myself having a hard time choosing between them. They all had great qualities: impressive programs, cool locations, fun extracurriculars, etc. The schools had so much in common that I just couldn't narrow my decision down to one school.

So I let their mascots do it for me.

I decided to compare each school's mascot, grading them on a scale from 1 to 10 in categories such as ferocity, appropriateness to school/location, effectiveness (how good their sports teams are) and cuteness. What transpired was the Ultimate College Mascot Showdown.

Ithaca College Bombers
Ferocity: 4. Ithaca College's mascot is a pilot who drops bombs in battle. The fact that he could blow up a small village in Pennsyltucky is rather frightening, but take away the airplane and weapons of mass destruction and you get a less than terrifying skinny guy in a funny hat and goggles. This guy's not exactly making the competition run for cover.
Appropriateness: 2. The Bomber was apparently conceived from the resemblance of Ithaca's baseball team's uniforms to those of the New York Yankees, also known as the Bronx Bombers. Otherwise, the mascot is rather inappropriate for a school with a high population of pacifists. Many anti-violence groups within the school have protested for a change of mascot.
Effectiveness: 5. Ithaca may be an NCAA Division III school, but their sports teams have had some success over the years. The football team has one the DIII National Championship three times and has one of the best women's soccer teams in the Division.
Cuteness: 0. There is nothing cute about a fighter pilot. Sorry.
Total Score: 11/40

Boston University Terriers
Ferocity: 5. Though they were originally bred for fighting, Boston Terriers are known for having friendly personalities. Don't cross Rhett, the BU terrier, though. With his trademark snarl, he is probably one of the more stubborn members of his breed.
Appropriateness: 7. He may not be the scarlett red of BU's colors but he is a Boston Terrier after all.
Effectiveness: 6. The Terriers won the NCAA Division I Men's Hockey National Championship last year. Other than that impressive feat, the Terriers have had national success in men's basketball, field hockey, women's soccer, and women's lacrosse.
Cuteness: 7. Boston Terriers are adorable for wrinkly dog lovers like me, but can be a little stubborn and bratty. It's kind of a "different strokes for different folks" cuteness situation.
Total Score: 25/40

Hofstra University Pride
Ferocity: 8. The Pride, represented by two lions, is pretty ferocious. One lion is scary enough, but two lions? That's pretty much a death trap. Unless it's Simba and Nala. Then you only really have to worry if you're a warthog or an antelope.
Appropriateness: 2. The name of the mascot stemmed from a PR campaign stressing pride in the school during the 1980s. Unfortunately this campaign was necessary for the school to save face after being stricken with financial troubles in the 70s and laying off 100s of employees. Oopsies.
Effectiveness: 1. Hofstra's Division I men's lacrosse team is doing well this year, but the school plans to terminate their football program next year.
Cuteness: 3. Lion's are pretty cute...until they eat you.
Total Score: 14/40

Syracuse University Orange
Ferocity: 0.5. The only way an orange can hurt you is to squeeze juice in your eye, blinding you for about 3 minutes tops. Otherwise it's a delicious snack filled with Vitamin C for every other mascot to enjoy.
Appropriateness: 5. Yes, it agrees with the school's colors, but the weather in Syracuse is much too cold to grow oranges, despite the fact that there is an orange trees planted on SU's campus. The orange yield of those trees is a bit questionable.
Effectiveness: 7. SU's men's basketball team had a very successful season this year and their men's lacrosse team won the Division I National Championship last year. If only their football team was a little better...
Cuteness: 8. Bizzare as it may be, Otto the Orange (essentially a cheesepuff with a hat) is adorable. I'm a little upset that I didn't buy a plush Otto doll for myself last summer.
Total Score: 20.5/40

Drexel University Dragons
Ferocity: 10. Not many beings can claim to be more badass than a dragon. Those things can rip your head off with their massive claws and then scorch you until your entire body resembles burnt toast. Nothing beats a dragon.
Appropriateness: 7. Drexel gets major points for alliteration. Drexel Dragons has such a nice ring to it. I can only think of a handful of schools who create alliterations with their team names. Plus a dragon is pretty creative, representing the creative types found at this school.
Effectiveness: 6. The Division I women's basketball team participated in the NCAA Tournament last year and recently had one of their senior members drafted to the WNBA. Drexel's men's lacrosse team is also doing pretty well for itself this year and is #11 in the nation.
Cuteness: 3. The actual Mario the Dragon Mascot costume is pretty cute, but if you encountered a dragon in real life (not that you would), you probably wouldn't think so.
Total Score: 26/40

It was a very difficult decision, but I think the mascot comparison helped a lot. I find the strength of a school's mascot to represent the strength of it's academics. Nothing says "Hire me!" like an animal/fictional character/piece of fruit with an attitude.

So, the winner is...DREXEL! I will be joining Drexel's Class of 2014 in the fall and I couldn't be happier. I love the campus, the honors dorms, the program, Philadelphia, and of course Mario the Dragon. September, be swift!

Note: I did not actually base my college choice solely on mascots or athletics, nor am I looking to offend any of these schools because they're all great. But I am going to Drexel. :D

Summer Song - A Poem

"Why do I wait for summer?
Why do I yearn for three sun-drenched months on my own?
When I sweat away my body weight
and run from killer insects in vain.
When I'm left to my own devices,
free from everyone who needs me.

I enjoy the crisp fall air,
the new experiences it brings.
A world full of color,
yet full of tears
as the dead of winter draws near.

Spring is fine, I do like spring,
teasing as it is.
The world is coming back to life,
but I'm still tucked away,
the last bud on the tree to bloom.

It is the uncertainty that summer brings
that makes it worth the wait.
Routine is gone, responsibility eased.
Nothing to be done, yet so much to do.
I cannot say what will happen in the summer.

I cannot say what will happen in my life."


Oh, spontaneous inspiration in English class, how I love thee.

Starting Now.

I'm tired.

Tired of feeling melancholy. Tired of losing interest. Tired of stressing over little things. Tired of being weak. Tired of bringing everyone down. Tired of being tired.

I want to be happy. I want to be enthusiastic. I want to get out of this funk. I want to be sure. I want to feel like myself again.

I'm ready.

I'm ready to do the work. I'm ready to be lighthearted again. I'm ready to be strong. I'm ready to live again.

Let the Wine of Friendship Never Run Dry

A Toast...

Here's to the last four years of Radnor Musicals.
Here's to memories.
Here's to an ever-growing family of friends.
Here's to the last four years.

Here's to Fiddler on the Roof.
Here's to getting a singing role as a freshman.
Here's to Fruma-Sarah.
Here's to Team Frums.
Here's to being six or so feet taller.
Here's to PEAAAAAAAAARLS!
Here's to white face.
Here's to going to rehearsals during the week and doing nothing.
Here's to 100% Man.
Here's to some really really ridiculously good looking Russian kids.
Here's to dressing room dance parties.
Here's to tradition.

Here's to Les Miserables.
Here's to the Whores. Or should I say Lovely Ladies.
Here's to chastity baskets.
Here's to the barricade.
Here's to more peasant-wear.
Here's to stage crew.
Here's to I drink your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
Here's to drama.
Here's to possibly the most epic cast ever.
Here's to spending too many Meisters classes working on "Drink With Me".
Here's to THE BARN.
Here's to "One Day More".
Here's to "To love another person is to see the face of God."

Here's to Hello, Dolly!
Here's to Mrs. Malloy.
Here's to Hat Shop Girl.
Here's to pretending.
Here's to Ribbons. Ugh.
Here's to the Gibson.
Here's to girls with mustaches!
Here's to the staircase.
Here's to Octo-Mom.
Here's to salt.
Here's to the Honor Code stepping in.
Here's to "I'm Charlotte Dow and I like bananas in my cereal."
Here's to CAROL!
Here's to Hello, Horace.
Here's to minor freakouts
Here's to...let's not even go there.
Here's to glowin', crowin' and goin' strong.

And finally, Here's to Beauty and the Beast.
Here's to...shit, how are we gonna pay for this?
Here's to pleasant surprises.
Here's to Mrs. Potts.
Here's to possible shoulder damage...all in the name of art.
Here's to that fucking cart.
Here's to the best role-buddy ever.
Here's to the B Buddies.
Here's to epic costumes, epic sets, and an epic show.
Here's to Maaah, mamaaa, MAMMY!
Here's to confetti!
Here's to the best cast anyone could ask for. :)
Here's to the party car!
Here's to CHOCOLATE.
Here's to terrible lyrics.
Here's to a sold-out run.
Here's to "La Vie Boheme", Chili's style.
Here's to the light up roses.
Here's to an amazing cast party to wrap up an amazing show.
Here's to being home.

Here's to four amazing musicals, four amazing years.
Here's to family, to hard work, to fun.
Here's to wanting to relive it all and not change a thing.
Thank you.

A Welcome Vacation

I'm not here. I've put my imaginary "do not disturb" sign on. I'm going on a mental vacation.

I'm at the airport, but I haven't decided where to go yet. I look at the departures board. Mexico is nice, but I'm too exhausted to bother to speak Spanish. Austria's too cold this time of year. The only place I would really want to go to in the Bahamas is Atlantis, and I really don't have the bank account for that right now. Florida is surprisingly cold this time of year. I love Costa Rica, but I was just there. Hawai'i? That sounds like a nice change of scene.

I board the plane and drift off into a deep sleep to the soothing tune of the American Airlines safety video music. Mmmhmhmmm...

A flight attendant wakes me up. I seem to have caught up on all the sleep I've missed over the past 2 months in one single flight. I step off the plane carrying only a backpack full of necessities and hail a cab. I politely ask to be taken to the nearest beach and receive a warm answer. Why can't people be this nice up north? I think. I don't even mind that it takes us half an hour to get to the beach. I need to slow down.

I pay the fare and step out of the car. Either this guy really likes me or he just wanted to rack up his cab fair because this is the most gorgeous beach I've ever seen. A few locals and I are the only patrons of this paradise today. I set up my towel and spend what seems like a lifetime simply watching the waves go in and out, feeling the sun warm my face, letting the soft crashing of the waves lull me into a trance. It's been a long winter and I need sunlight like Lindsay Lohan needs tabloid attention. This scene is perfect...but something's missing.

In my trance I find myself vacationing from my vacation. I'm out of the moment. I soar back to the RHS auditorium, to a scene where I'm laughing at Ian's ridiculous Gaston costume or intently listening to Jon describe the latest Wolverine comic book. I'm a sophomore, holding back tears as Clare and George sing "A Little Fall of Rain". I'm feeling the thrill of spinning a flag in the middle of Downtown Disney World as a freshman. I'm cuddled up to Russ watching a movie at home. I'm running through the streets of Dinklesbuhl, Germany, with Carolyn, Sarah and Mike trying not to get caught at that rock concert. I didn't need to spend all of this money to get away. I didn't need to literally escape to escape. All I needed was to get out.

My Hands They Shake, My Head It Spins

I think I've forgotten what it feels like not to be busy. I have a feeling my head is going to explode in the next two weeks, what with the musical, school, the middle school guard, and attempting to pick a college. At the same time, though, I feel useless when I'm not busy. This stress is mostly self-inflicted. Therefore I will try to visualize it the best way I know how: put it in a list.

Circumstances Increasing My Stress Level

• Beauty and the Beast opens in 10 days. My high school musical theatre career will be over in 13 days. That doesn't seem right.
  
• Chip's cart (which I have to push with one hand for most of the show) weighs a zillion pounds and is pretty hard to maneuver and I have very little arm strength nowadays. You'd think that color guard would make me stronger but I can hardly lift my 30 pound dog. So not only is the cart frustrating, it also makes me feel like a weakling. I can work with what I've been given, though, I'll figure it out.
  
• We have yet to run through an entire act beginning to end.
  
• My voice is slowly being beaten into the ground but I don't have the willpower to go on vocal rest. I tried today but kinda forgot about 20 minutes after I woke up and kind of gave up. Fail.
  
• My Spanish teacher has taught us one of the three topics on our test tomorrow. Cool, Senora.
  
• I'm letting myself go. I set the intention to work out everyday but just get tired. I also tell myself that I'm going to bed before 11 every night and don't actually enter my room until 11:30. Damn you, Olympics.
  
• I have yet to finish teaching the middle school color guard their show. They have a competition in a month.
  
• My senioritis is keeping me from doing anything productive.
  
• I still don't have a definite first choice college. My mom isn't helping in the process much either, since every time I express positive feelings for a school she finds something wrong with it. I guess she just wants me to think about it. Thinking is too emotionally draining.
  
• I really want to write some new music but I either don't have time to or have major writer's block. I am a frustrated artist.
  

I think these stress-inducing factors necessitate a Brightsides list.

Brightsides 2/21/10

1. I finished a non-required reading book, Looking for Alaska by John Green, for the first time in a long time a week ago. I absolutely loved it and it gave me a lot to think about in terms of my relationships with people and life in general. It's a powerful, funny and obviously thought-provoking novel that I would recommend to anyone.
   
2. Televised figure skating and ice dancing makes me happy. I think ballroom dancing should be an Olympic sport. I mean, ice dancing is basically ballroom on ice. They both require almost the same amount of athleticism. Maybe someday...
3. Despite the stress it causes me, the show is actually coming together nicely. I recommend seeing it if you're in the area (shameless plug).
   
4. I spent a lovely weekend at Drexel. :)
5. While in the city I discovered Buffalo Exchange (thanks to Miss Carolyn Haynes), a Plato's Closet/Goodwill-esque store that buys and sells adorable gently used clothes. Somehow I managed to find a gorgeous Betsey Johnson dress that was originally $165 for $32. Win.
   
6. I'm seeing Coheed & Cambria in May!
7. I have an amazingly supportive boyfriend who makes me incredibly happy. :)
8. I'm going on a cruise to Bermuda with my dad's family in August! I love cruises, and now I can gamble at the on-board casino, which may or may not be a good thing. :-P
9. My music teacher's adorable German Sheppard puppy makes rehearsals much cuter.
   
10. I learned how to play "You and I" by Ingrid Michaelson on ukulele. I may be cliche, but it's a cute song.
    

The Middle

I think I've got cabin fever. Thanks to the Snowpocalypse of 2o10, I've been stuck in my house since Tuesday night. School's been closed and it's too cold to go out and I don't even own a sled so I wouldn't have anything to do anyway. So all I can do is sit in my house, not do my homework and think about how lost in the world I am. I don't have a clue who I am. I mean, I guess I'm still forming an idea of who I am. Ever since I moved to Pennsylvania in fourth grade my life has been a series of questions...

Am I a New Yorker or a Philadelphian?
Am I a Catholic or...nothing?
Am I liberal or conservative?
Am I a feminist?
Do I value my family or my friends more? Is that a stupid question?
Do I really want to be an actress/writer/director/journalist/assistant to the regional manager?
Am I pro-life or pro-choice?
Do I really believe in all this alternative medicine that my mom has based her career on (i.e. Feng Shui, homeopathic medicine)?
Why do I feel uncomfortable discussing my personal life with people while I love hearing what other people are doing and feel like I have to keep up?
Do I want to go to school far away or nearby?
Am I really a part of the Class of 2010?
Am I missing out on the normal high school party experience?


Why can't I be fine the way I am?

The answers to most these questions have always been "in between". Most of my conscious years have been spent in the suburbs of Philly, but because of my family New York will always have a special place in my heart. Maybe I'll end up moving there someday. I didn't really like NYU when I visited it and sometimes I have a hard time explaining to adamant NYU-lovers why. I guess I'm just not ready to be thrust into the big city just yet. I'll take some baby steps before I can get myself there. I always knew I never belonged in Jersey. Even today the people I knew then are pretty different from myself. I needed to be somewhere a little more down to earth.

I guess I'm a Catholic in practice; I go to church as often as I can, I believe in God...I just don't have another explanation for why things are the way they are. I looked out onto the gorgeous mountains and valleys and rainforests of Costa Rica and I just thought...this can't be an accident. But at the same time the Catholic church itself makes me angry - the hierarchy, the shunning - it's kind of dumb. We should love everyone regardless of who they love or whatever choices they've made in their life. I guess I'm somewhere in between pro-life and pro-choice. I would never feel comfortable killing something that does have life and energy, but I'm not going to shun someone who has made that choice. Sometimes there's no other option. And why the hell should Congress decide what I do with my body for me? The majority of them are upper class men in their 50s and 60s, they don't know how I feel, or how some poor woman who can't even support herself feels. And yeah, I think men and women are all created equal, but I'm not a feminist. I'm not radical. Shit, I don't even know if I'm liberal. I'm so conservative in my own conduct - I'm not one to riot, I don't drink or do drugs, I cover up, there's a certain degree of comfort I think you should have with a person before you risk making babies with them - but politically, I'm pretty liberal.

I don't have an answer for the rest of the questions. I love my parents, but sometimes I need to get away from them. I guess that's healthy. I have my own life. I probably won't know what I want to do with my life until I try everything. Maybe this screenwriting thing will work out, maybe it won't. I won't know until I try. I'm not ashamed of anything I've done, but sometimes I have a hard time sharing it with people. I want to share girl talk with my friends but at the same time I'm afraid of being judged on what I have or have not done. It's dumb, but I guess it comes with being a girl. I'll shake it soon enough. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on the high school party scene, but truthfully I've never even been comfortable watching a bunch of people who I barely know get shit-faced. I'm one for small hang-outs. Senior week may promise a mix of this, and I'm coming to terms with that. I'm trying to learn how stick to my own values without sounding like a judgmental mom, all while actually having FUN. I work so hard that sometimes I forget what it feels like to have fun.

So I guess all these answers will come in due course. I know I'm going to change throughout my life. There's no definitive answer to the question of who I am, there's only the question of who I am right now. The journey comes in being comfortable with who I am right now. And that's what I need to work on.

My Life's in Lists.

10 Songs I'm Digging Right Now:
1. Hit or Miss (Waited Too Long) - New Found Glory
2. 21 Guns - Green Day & the Cast of American Idiot the Musical (which is coming to Broadway!)
3. Walking the Dog - Fun.
4. Free Coffee - Ben Folds
5. Nicest Thing - Kate Nash
6. Help I'm Alive - Metric
7. Eat - Jack Conte
8. I'm Ready, I am - The Format
9. Quelqu'um M'a Dit - Carla Bruni (Yes, that is the first lady of France)
10. Lisztomania - Phoenix (I shouldn't have judged them on "1901" alone. They rock.)

5 Things I Want:
1. A MacBook. I feel this strong urge to turn this blog into a vlog. I've always loved making videos of my adventures in the world and am generally a very visual person. However, Microsoft just doesn't want me to make quality videos. I'm really sick of Windows MovieMaker. Not to mention the last time I tried to make a video using my webcam and post it to YouTube, it turned out all screwy. Though I've been a PC my whole life, I feel it's only practical to change at this point. I want to make videos, I want to make music. I want a Mac.
2. Some semblance of solidarity among my senior class. That's all.
3. The Olympics! I want them to be on now! I need my figure skating/Apollo Ohno in spandex fix.
4. A bigger iPod. I'm actually almost out of room on my Touch for the first time in forever.
5. A signed copy of Julia Nunes' new EP. Maybe I can write it off as a post-midterms present. That is, if I make it through this week...

3 Albums to Pick Up Now:
1. Transference - Spoon. This is a return to old-school Spoon. It's a little less clean than Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga, which I love. This album is full of great guitar riffs, drawn out jams, and just songs to chill out to. The sound overall is very raw and organic, like they just picked up their instruments and hit the record button. Some standout tracks include "Goodnight Laura", "Got Nuffin", "I Saw The Light" and "Is Love Forever?"
2. My Dinosaur Life - Motion City Soundtrack. Every song on this album is super-catchy. The lyrics are awesome, creative, and very relatable. It's full of ups and downs, dark moments paired with upbeat spirit-boosters. MCS makes some really great pop-punk-rock-whatever you call it. Key tracks include "The Weakends", "Disappear", "Her Words Destroyed My Planet", "Worker Bee".
3. Contra - Vampire Weekend. This is a fantastic follow up to the band's debut self-titled album. Vampire Weekend's classic prep school stories paired with African beats can be found on this album, with some new additions, such as auto-tune. The Columbia boys have established a sound, but not quite a formula, which in my opinion is a good thing. They're not afraid to take a few risks which definitely work. Some of my faves include "Holiday", "California English", "Diplomat's Son", "Run", "Cousins".

1 Song That Describes The Culmination of My High School Career:
"On Your Porch" - The Format. Give it a listen.

The Bright Side

FACT: I am not nearly as positive as I am on this blog in real life. I'm insecure, anxious, and always get wrapped up in other people's problems. That's going to change. It has to. I need to become more like the strong person people think I am. I guess by focusing on the positive aspects of my life and the things I'm excited for I can erase some of this negativity and anxiety. So I'm going to start posting occasional lists of things I am excited for and things that make me happy. We'll call these "The Brightsides".

Brightsides 1/7/10

1. There's a very good possibility that I will at least have a two-hour delay tomorrow. Thank you snow gods.
2. I'm into 3 colleges :).
3. I'm going to a prom tomorrow night. For band.
4. I'm playing an Elvis-themed gig Saturday night at school with my band, the Upstairs Sound! It's been so long since we've played a show together and I miss rocking out on stage with them. Stop by if you're in the area!
5. I've got my first rehearsal for Beauty and the Beast on Sunday. Now that shall be interesting.
6. It looks like I'm recovering from whatever cold-type illness I've had for the past few days.
7. Costa Rica was so awesome and warm and just what I needed. I SAW MONKEYS! Thank you, Marty and Lyndea, for picking a totally kickass place to have your wedding.
8. I am absolutely determined to go to Bamboozle this year, despite the fact that it's right before my AP tests. And Warped Tour. It's going to happen.

9. I got a pretty dress from Kate Cummings, a new designer that my cousin is currently working for. I may be have a bit of familial bias, but her designs are pretty, simple and not too over the top. Her clothes all have a bit of an updated 60s feel to them, which I adore. Here I am wearing the dress at the wedding:

Check out Kate Cummings!
10. So much good music is coming out in the next few weeks. I'm particularly excited for Vampire Weekend's Contra. They've been streaming the album on their Myspace for a few days and I love everything I've heard thus far! I'm also particularly stoked for Motion City Soundtrack's My Dinosaur Life. If the first two singles ("Disappear" and "Her Words Destroyed My Planet") are any indication of what the rest of the album is going to be like, I'm expecting a pretty rockin' collection of tunes.

I feel better already. :)

Auld Lang Syne

I really wish I had the time and energy to write in this even once a week. I apologize to all 10 of you who read this blog for my posts being few and far between. I thought things were going to calm down a little this month, but I was sorely mistaken. Apparently taking on even partial responsibility for a choir that has less than a month to rehearse for a public concert is very time consuming. Not to mention I am now responsible for making sure that 20 something middle schoolers don't bludgeon themselves with 5 1/2 ft. metal poles once a week. Luckily, my winter break commenced about an hour and a half ago and I am relatively free for the next 12 days, 6 of which I will be spending in Costa Rica! Even though I'll miss seeing some of my friends who are home from college, I will definitely appreciate the warm weather and ample opportunities for sleep. Lord knows I need both of those right now.

Since you probably won't hear from me until the new year, some obligatory end of 2009 thoughts seem to be in order. This year has been a 365 day roller-coaster. I've gotten to know some really amazing, talented people and have some truly life-changing experiences. Hell, my life in general has changed so much since last year. So, I figured I'd sum the whole thing up in a generic survey. How conformist of me.

2009: In The Beginning
Where did you go on New Years?: Amanda's house!
Who were you with?: Amanda, my parents, her parents.
Did you kiss anyone on newyears?: Nope
Did you make any resolutions?: Eh, if I did, I probably forgot them the next day :-p

2009: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year?: Definitely, but not completely
Did you dye your hair?: Nope, I like my natural color too much.
Did you get your hair cut?: Many a time.
Did you change your style?: Sort of?
Were you in school?: Indeed.
Did you get good grades?: Mmhm.
Did you have a job?: Occasional babysitting, I'm too busy to hold down a real one at the moment.
Did you drive?: Yes! Got my license, finally!
Did anyone close to you give birth?: Possibly my cousin? Or was that last year?
Did you move at all?: For six weeks to Syracuse :)
Did you go on any vacations?: Yep, Canandaigua, South Carolina, and Orlando. And all up and down the east coast for college visits but that so doesn't count.
Did you leave the country at all?: Nope, but I will be soon!

2009: Your Love Life
Did you break up with anyone?: Nope
Did you meet anyone special?: Well, got to know them better :D
Did you fall in love?: :)
Did anyone break up with you?: Nope

2009: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year? A whole bunch
Did any of your friendships end?: End, no. Did I drift from people? Sure.
Did you dislike anyone?: Eh, sure.
Did you make any new enemies? I hope not.
Did you resolve any fights? I don't think there were any big ones to resolve.
Who were your closest friends?: They know who they are. :)
Did you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?: Not particularly. Everything is a learning process.
What are you thinking about?: This survey and the fact that I need to take the dog out eventually.

So there you have it. 2009 was a good year. Trying at times, definitely stressful, but I don't regret anything. I've learned so much, I've picked up the pieces from last year, and I think I'm on the road to happiness. Unfortunately, it's a very long road and I'm a pretty impatient person. But if I have one New Year's Resolution, it would be to slow down and take things one day at a time. Shit, I'm graduating in 6 months. I bought one of those huge prom magazines as I always do just for fun and realized that I actually have a prom to attend this year. Everything I've looked forward to in the past four years is coming so fast. It really doesn't feel real at all. Some days I think I'm still a little junior aching to get out of here. Then I look around and realize that I'm the oldest person in the hallway. It'll all be over soon. Half of me is excited and the other half just wants everything to slow down. The best that I can do is just live in the moment and try not to take anything for granted. And that's exactly what I plan on doing.

To all of my friends, family, people I look up to, etc., I just want you all to know how happy I am to have you in my life. It's true. You all make everything a zillion times more bearable and can pull me out of any emotional ditch I find myself in. I hope I can do the same for all of you.

And now I'm going to be a girl:

"But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect."

Why did I wait so long to see that movie?

Just in Time for the Holiday Season...

Why do I agitate myself by watching/reading/looking at anything created by the Westboro Baptist Church? Anything they say just makes my blood boil. Trust me, this is one of the few times I will ever speak ill of anyone on this blog, but I kind of can't stay silent on this one. People like them are why people look at me funny when I say I'm a Catholic. I have no shame, though. The majority of Christians really aren't that radical, myself in particular. Hell, I'm the most liberal Catholic you'll meet. To me the main principle of Christianity is love. "Love thy neighbor as thyself". Why shouldn't that apply to everyone, regardless of their sexual preference? And yes, I am pro-life...but I am not anti-choice. God gave us the free will to make our own decisions. We should have the freedom to educate ourselves and make the right choice for ourselves. So yes, I believe in God, and no, I won't shove a crucifix down your throat. I love you as you are, regardless of who you pray to, where you're from, or who you love.

Now that I've finished my ideological rant, I can digress to slightly more mundane things. Thanksgiving was a nice break, lots to be thankful for this year. For one, I got a part in the musical! I'll be playing Mrs. Potts in Beauty and the Beast at school in the spring. I'm really excited for the show to start. Despite the insanity and drama of it all, I love the show. I love bonding with everyone during rehearsals, the dancing, listening to the music with the orchestra once everything comes together. I think I'm writing this down now so I can look back on it whenever I have a stressful moment or any frustration concerning any member of the creative team or cast. There's a reason why I've stuck it out for so long. I've always loved acting. Sure, it got tedious last year, but I honestly don't think I was right for that role anyway, at least not at that moment in time. Pulling affection out of me was like pulling teeth. I think I'm in a better place now, and in a better part. Only time will tell.

I also got into college! Of course I write a whole rant about wanting to be in college soon and I get in the next day. After waiting for a month or so I was accepted into Drexel University's Screenwriting and Playwriting program! I'm so relieved, at least I know some place wants me. Not to mention it's one of my top choice schools. Plus, I finally got all my college apps out, so I don't have to worry about that anymore! Now we start the waiting game...March be swift!

I feel like I'm getting excited for Christmas too early. It's only December 1st, and I'm feeling super-festive. My tree is up, my lights are out...I just haven't done any shopping yet. I can't wait to see New York all dressed up in its holiday finery tomorrow when I see Ragtime with some kids from my English class. This really is the most magical time to be in the city, and I get to go twice in two weeks! That might be a bit of city-overload, considering I went a few weeks ago, but I don't think I can get all that sick of my place of birth. Besides, Manhattan is so massive, there's always something new to explore.

Things are lookin' up. :)

Hi Mr. Ecklund!

Oh, P.S. Go buy the New Moon soundtrack. Sure, the movie has no plot, but that is $14 well spent. Trust me.

Summing Up a Life in 140 Characters or Less

OH! And here's an article on Twitter that I wrote for the school newspaper last month. Enjoy. :)

Summing Up a Life in 140 Characters or Less

The last social networking website I ever thought I would join was Twitter. Three months ago I passionately despised the site that has users sum up their thoughts and happenings in less than 140 characters. I simply didn’t understand it; I didn’t see the point of telling the world what I was doing at any given point in time, nor did I really care what everyone else was doing. This thought process (and the classroom tangents it inspired) came to a screeching halt during one late night of weakness last May.

I’ve come to realize, as many Twitter users have, that every actor, musician, writer, director, athlete, celebrity-for-no-reason out there now has a Twitter. I, being the entertainment junkie that I am, for some strange reason, care whether Hayley Williams of Paramore is enjoying her horror movie marathon on her tour bus or what Katy Perry’s cat, Kitty Purry, is wearing to the VMAs. Twitter is filling in the gaps that E! News leaves and gives me an inside look into the world of the people I listen to/watch/read on a daily basis. That may sound a little pathetic, but it’s one way to break up the monotony of homework and college applications.

Before you pass off Twitter as a way for the socially awkward to get a virtual life, hear this: it does have practical uses. How did I hear that Say Anything moved the release date of their new album? Twitter. Who tells me when Julia Nunes posts a new video on YouTube? Twitter. Who reminds me to get all of my college application materials in on time? That’s right, Twitter does. As more and more people join Twitter, it will be much easier for organizations and businesses to share information and connect with current and potential consumers. And you thought simple status updates were useless…

Organizations, celebrities, and nerds aren’t the only people using twitter, though. My favorite tweets to read are usually those composed by writers and comedians. The “Twitterverse” is home to some seriously funny people. When I first joined the website, I sought out some of my favorite established writers and comedians, one of them being Diablo Cody. As a huge fan of Cody’s quirky writing style, I wondered if she could retain her humor in less than 140 characters. I was absolutely right. Cody comments on everything from the less than stellar success of her latest flick Jennifer’s Body to her Twilight-esque obsession with roller coasters. Some of her recent highlights include “I realize I should just stop reading tabloids, since they're basically bound, numbered treasuries of my biggest pet peeves,” and “Almost 10 years ago, I was a family law paralegal. I've developed a weird late-night hobby of Googling the kids to see if they're OK now.”

Twitter has also introduced me to other artists and writers. My favorite Twitter discovery thus far has been Caprice Crane, novelist and TV writer for shows such as the new incarnations of 90210 and Melrose Place. Caprice is part of the new generation of female screenwriters lead by Diablo Cody. She generally uses her Twitter to complain about the annoyances of daily life in Los Angeles. Her dry sense of humor shines through in her brief writings. My favorite recent tweet of hers kind of captures her essence: “Professional sports is probably the only job where yelling at others makes you ‘fiery’ as opposed to ‘fired.’”

In what may be the most predictable ending to any article about Twitter, I will now sum up this article in tweet-form: @charlotteatepie You can call me a nerd now, but I’ll be laughing when everyone joins Twitter after reading this article.

Unhinging My ADD Mind

It's bizzare. I feel the need to write, to put my thoughts into words, yet I'm really not sure what to write about. I guess I'll just unhinge the ole' noggin and just start.

Despite the fact that we lost the game (and that I just lost THE game now, damn) for the first time in 10 years, LM was actually fantastic. The pep rally was everything I could've hoped for; all of the acts went off without too much of a hitch (so I slid through a pile of baby powder, whatever) and it just felt great to perform again. All that hard work really paid off. I don't think I could've asked for a better theme or a better class to share it with. When we all ran onto the gym floor and started going crazy when it was over, I felt so much love in that room. I wasn't mad at anyone, or frustrated, or annoyed, or anything. I just took the moment in. This year I think the whole LM ordeal wasn't really that much about the game and beating LM and blah blah blah. It was about what it should be about; coming together as a school and as a senior class. And in that moment, I felt the closest I had ever been to my classmates. Ok, so there's plenty wrong with Radnor, but I'm glad I didn't go to private school. I'm perfectly fine where I am.

Here's a video of the lovely Senior Partner Dance. Rock and roll.



I'm kinda going to miss marching band a whole lot, considering the fact that there's a really good chance that I'll go to a college without a band. Therefore, I'm on a mission to find a drum corps wherever I end up going to college. I really don't want the LM game to be my last marching performance ever. Call me a nerd, but I kinda live for this stuff.

I won't miss not having my Fridays free, however. Seriously, I feel like I haven't had just a spontaneous night out with friends or a date with Russ that hasn't revolved around a football game or party in months. I haven't seen a movie since early last month, and there are some really good ones coming out soon. I'm dying to see Pirate Radio. Phillip Seymor Hoffman is the man, and I will watch any movie about rock n' roll. The Men Who Stare at Goats also looks excellent. And speaking of George Clooney, I will most definitely be seeing Up In The Air. How could I not? It's made by one of my favorite directors of all time, Jason Reitman, it's about travel, I can eerily relate to the main character's transient lifestyle and need to be grounded, and it's staring Anna Kendrick, who played Fritzi in Camp, one of my favorite movies (theatre nerds, you must see this movie. No question).

I really need to finish my college apps. More importantly, though, I'm super anxious to hear back from some schools soon. Half my class is already into Penn State or Pittsburgh, and even more people are starting to join those "[name of school] Class of 2014!" groups on Facebook. I just want to know that I'm in somewhere. Preferably before Thanksgiving, too. I want to actually have an answer to those awkward "SO WHERE ARE YOU GOING NEXT YEAR???" questions. It's not even second semester and I already feel like I'm behind the curve because I haven't heard from anywhere yet. I feel like the less I think about it, the higher the chances will be of me getting a response that day. It's not working, but neither is obsessing. I guess I'll just have to wait it out.

Thought I'd list some tunes I'm kind of addicted to at the moment. No explanations why, just some really kickin' jams.

• "Many Funerals" - Eisley
• "Gimme Sympathy" - Metric
• "Brick by Boring Brick" - Paramore
• "Relator" - Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson (yes, that one. She actually can sing!)
• "That Time" - Regina Spektor
• "Hail Mary" - Pomplamoose
• "Less Cute" - Say Anything
• "On the Water" - The Walkmen
• "Out at Sea" - Hearless Bastards
• "White Collar Boy" - Belle & Sebastian
• "Meet Me On The Equinox" - Death Cab for Cutie
• "She Won't Follow You" - Say Anything
• "Everyplace is a House" - Maps & Atlases
• "Cemetary" - Say Anything

It is rather Say Anything-heavy, but for good reason! Their new album is amazing. It's a kinder, gentler Bemis, but in a way, it works. It's kind of perfect for where I am right now. I'm still trying to figure some things out, but I feel like I'm in a much better place than I was at this time last year. Maybe it's the fact that I threw myself into everything last year (Districts, the musical, etc.), or that I found someone really amazing and supportive, or that I don't have anything to prove now, or that I'm just...over it. This album speaks to me in so many ways. Thank you, Max, thank you, Say Anything. :)

I'm not knocking it anymore...Phantom is a beautiful show. It's true.

End scene.