I generally love the month of October. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. The trees are burning red and yellow and looking absolutely perfect before this state becomes a frozen tundra for three-ish months. Despite the stress, the craziness of LM preparations and practices is actually kind of fun. Football season picks up, baseball postseason is in full swing (no pun intended), school spirit is generally increasing. So why have I been sick twice this month already?
My whole body hurts. I could barely walk down the stairs this morning. I can't really speak.
Unfortunately, this is the third day of this.
This swine flu business doesn't even make me special or anything. Everyone is sick. I've never seen so many people updating their Facebook statuses (generally to say "sick" or "DYINNNNG") when they're supposed to be in school. I can't even figure out a plan of action for this. I guess we could do what the nearby Catholic high schools did and shut down the school to sterilize it. At least that way we wouldn't be missing that much work.
Maybe this is a sick way of my body telling me to slow down. And trust me, I'm going to try my darndest to listen from now on. This is so not worth it.
I guess I'm just mad because a) my dad watched the Phillies clinch the NLCS last night in person while I sat on the couch in pain, or b) I clearly can't go to the haunted house with band tonight.
I want to get out of this house. I NEED to get out of this house. I actually want to go to the football game tomorrow night. I want to see people. I'm tired of being isolated.
There's a few things keeping me from completely losing it: the Phightin Phils, my DVR of tasty programing, and my boy. :)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Paint the Black Hole Blacker...
I think I'll talk about my feelings today.
So I've officially thrown every notion of what I thought Senior Year was going to be like out the window. Then again, I was fairly certain that was going to happen anyway. This idea that this year is the best year of your life is kind of BS. As a friend of mine put it, if this is the best year of our lives then we're really screwed. We're only 17/18 for Christ's sake.
I always thought this was the year that I didn't have to care (thanks a heap, former Seniors). Guess who's caring, as usual? I guess I'll never get used to the, "Eh, this doesn't really matter" attitude. I'll probably be studying even when I'm out of school. It's probably the Virgo in me, the over-achiever. I want to do well. I want to impress people. I want to be successful. And how do I go about doing this? I give up sleep, I make myself sick (not literally of course), I sacrifice weekends that I could've used to get away from this town, I constantly overbook myself. All in the name of my education. All for the need to be the best.
Maybe I'm predisposed to this thinking. Maybe it's my anxiety. Maybe it's the hyper-competitive school I go to. Whatever it is I'm sure I'll figure it out somehow, even though I'm slowly learning that there are only a few things in life that we're able to control. In the meantime, all we can do is count our blessings and leave the rest up to Jesus.
So I've officially thrown every notion of what I thought Senior Year was going to be like out the window. Then again, I was fairly certain that was going to happen anyway. This idea that this year is the best year of your life is kind of BS. As a friend of mine put it, if this is the best year of our lives then we're really screwed. We're only 17/18 for Christ's sake.
I always thought this was the year that I didn't have to care (thanks a heap, former Seniors). Guess who's caring, as usual? I guess I'll never get used to the, "Eh, this doesn't really matter" attitude. I'll probably be studying even when I'm out of school. It's probably the Virgo in me, the over-achiever. I want to do well. I want to impress people. I want to be successful. And how do I go about doing this? I give up sleep, I make myself sick (not literally of course), I sacrifice weekends that I could've used to get away from this town, I constantly overbook myself. All in the name of my education. All for the need to be the best.
Maybe I'm predisposed to this thinking. Maybe it's my anxiety. Maybe it's the hyper-competitive school I go to. Whatever it is I'm sure I'll figure it out somehow, even though I'm slowly learning that there are only a few things in life that we're able to control. In the meantime, all we can do is count our blessings and leave the rest up to Jesus.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Silly Love Songs...
I should seriously consider a career in novelty songwriting. Here's a little diddy I came up with the other night.
I Don't Wanna Be Your Yoko
Sit yourself down
Let's talk awhile
And let me assure you
You still make me smile
But I came to realize
That I kinda need some space
when I overheard your friends
The other night at your place
They were talking of Bed Peace and Beatles
And not in a good way
So after that I figured out
What they were trying to say
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be your Yoko
Oh no, oh no
Don't get me wrong,
We've been so great (We've been so great)
You're perfect for me
This may even be fate
But we've been virtually inseparable
And your band's starting to complain
The fact that I could lead to your demise
Just drives me insane
Not saying we should break up,
Of that I am sure
I love you, but let's be honest,
I love your band a little more
Don't wanna be the one they blame
40 years down the road
But I really don't want to lose you
And this confusion is starting to show
So stop bringing me to practice
And focus on your jams
Just don't forget about me
Among those thousands of fans
Ok, so it's no Keystone, but I had some inspiration and I just had to act on it. And it's not based on personal experience, don't worry. I get inspiration in the most inconvenient places. i.e. the shower, or while driving.
I Don't Wanna Be Your Yoko
Sit yourself down
Let's talk awhile
And let me assure you
You still make me smile
But I came to realize
That I kinda need some space
when I overheard your friends
The other night at your place
They were talking of Bed Peace and Beatles
And not in a good way
So after that I figured out
What they were trying to say
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be your Yoko
Oh no, oh no
Don't get me wrong,
We've been so great (We've been so great)
You're perfect for me
This may even be fate
But we've been virtually inseparable
And your band's starting to complain
The fact that I could lead to your demise
Just drives me insane
Not saying we should break up,
Of that I am sure
I love you, but let's be honest,
I love your band a little more
Don't wanna be the one they blame
40 years down the road
But I really don't want to lose you
And this confusion is starting to show
So stop bringing me to practice
And focus on your jams
Just don't forget about me
Among those thousands of fans
Ok, so it's no Keystone, but I had some inspiration and I just had to act on it. And it's not based on personal experience, don't worry. I get inspiration in the most inconvenient places. i.e. the shower, or while driving.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Blah, blah, blah...
Going back to school always makes me sad for some reason. Ok, the reason is obvious, but I'm taking it pretty hard this year and I'm not sure why. I'm a senior. Life is good. Not to mention yesterday was my 18th birthday. I should be so happy. Why do I feel like a truck hit me? Maybe it's this whole college process. Maybe the fact that I'm a senior and I have to leave this place is slowly hitting me. Sure, I sorta felt it when I was leaving for Syracuse, but I knew I was coming back. Now I'll have to start all over. I'm officially an adult and I am sooo not ready for that.
However, my birthday weekend didn't suck too much. The torrential downpours of Friday got me out of the football game, and although I didn't get to see my band friends from the school we were playing (sadness), I had a lovely night off anyway. Thanks to my dad (but mostly his job), I got to spend four hours in a skybox at the Phillies game on Saturday, which I must say is awesome. Free food, lots of comfy seats, extra TVs, shelter from the rain...it's the way to go. However, the crowd didn't have the same vigor as that of the regular seats, and I felt like a bit of a daddy's girl. What can I say, though, it was a good time. Sunday (my real birthday), I went to New York with Mama Dow and my aunt. I missed the city, seeing as the last time I'd visited was January. It was good to be back. I got some pretty sweet gifts, too. Highlights include a car ('06 Honda CR-V...love me some small SUVs) and The Beatles: Rock Band, which I have yet to play, but believe will be both sick and nasty in the best possible way.
Among this craziness, there's two things keeping me going: my friends and various forms of entertainment. I've compiled a list of some of my "musts" for the late summer. Because I want to be Entertainemnt Weekly.
Must See Movie - (500) Days of Summer - There's something to be said for music video directors: they're definitely the some of the most creative filmmakers out there. And when you have to tell a story in about 3 minutes, you really have to be. However, it's sometimes questionable whether short form directors can make the jump to feature films, but Marc Webb does it beautifully in this film. The stories seems typical - boy meets girl, boy loses girl, so on, so forth - but it is told in a very creative way, jumping to different points in the plot and effectively utilizing fantasy sequences, which I love in anything. It also helps that the stars, Zoeey Deschannel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt rock in pretty much anything they do, including this flick. I've already seen it twice. You should, too.
Must See TV - Glee - I fell in love with this show, as many did, when I saw the pilot in May and anxiously awaited its return all summer. And boy, did it deliver. As a fan of musical theatre, of course I was going to love this show. However, it is so far from the hokey High School Musical crap that's been out there in the movie/tv musical category as of late. It's witty, well produced, well cast, just so well done. Also, whenever I can hear choral versions of popular music, I'm all in. This show is even great if you don't like musicals, it's just fabulous TV. Watch it on Wednesdays at 9, watch it on Hulu, just watch it somehow. You won't regret it.
Must See Theatre - Billy Elliot - Though this musical is a British show at heart, it's themes are universal: fighting for what's right, the struggle to be seen, being yourself. I believe that this show deserved every bit of its 2009 Tony Award for Best Musical. It has everything; a great story, a fabulously talented cast, exciting choreography, exciting and creative direction, high overall production value. And the Billys! They're only 12 or so years old, and they dance with more precision and passion than some people 20 or 30 years their senior. I'm certain that they'll all enjoy healthy careers and totally deserved their Best Actor Tony. I'm also fairly certain that this show isn't going anywhere, so if you get a chance, head over to New York and see it.
Must Hear - Imogen Heap's Ellipse - I love this woman. She makes electronica...beautiful. I wasn't quite sure if her new album was going to live up to her last effort, Speak for Yourself, but it did. In fact, I think she surpassed it in a way. She seems to have matured on this album, and her songs have a great deal of variety. Their exciting one moment, slow another, pensive the next. I particularly like that she's stepped away from the vocoder on some of her tracks; she's even included an instrumental piano track ("The Fire"). This has to be one of my favorite albums this year. Key tracks: "Little Bird", "First Train Home", "Canvas", "Earth", "Swoon", "Aha!".
However, my birthday weekend didn't suck too much. The torrential downpours of Friday got me out of the football game, and although I didn't get to see my band friends from the school we were playing (sadness), I had a lovely night off anyway. Thanks to my dad (but mostly his job), I got to spend four hours in a skybox at the Phillies game on Saturday, which I must say is awesome. Free food, lots of comfy seats, extra TVs, shelter from the rain...it's the way to go. However, the crowd didn't have the same vigor as that of the regular seats, and I felt like a bit of a daddy's girl. What can I say, though, it was a good time. Sunday (my real birthday), I went to New York with Mama Dow and my aunt. I missed the city, seeing as the last time I'd visited was January. It was good to be back. I got some pretty sweet gifts, too. Highlights include a car ('06 Honda CR-V...love me some small SUVs) and The Beatles: Rock Band, which I have yet to play, but believe will be both sick and nasty in the best possible way.
Among this craziness, there's two things keeping me going: my friends and various forms of entertainment. I've compiled a list of some of my "musts" for the late summer. Because I want to be Entertainemnt Weekly.
Must See Movie - (500) Days of Summer - There's something to be said for music video directors: they're definitely the some of the most creative filmmakers out there. And when you have to tell a story in about 3 minutes, you really have to be. However, it's sometimes questionable whether short form directors can make the jump to feature films, but Marc Webb does it beautifully in this film. The stories seems typical - boy meets girl, boy loses girl, so on, so forth - but it is told in a very creative way, jumping to different points in the plot and effectively utilizing fantasy sequences, which I love in anything. It also helps that the stars, Zoeey Deschannel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt rock in pretty much anything they do, including this flick. I've already seen it twice. You should, too.
Must See TV - Glee - I fell in love with this show, as many did, when I saw the pilot in May and anxiously awaited its return all summer. And boy, did it deliver. As a fan of musical theatre, of course I was going to love this show. However, it is so far from the hokey High School Musical crap that's been out there in the movie/tv musical category as of late. It's witty, well produced, well cast, just so well done. Also, whenever I can hear choral versions of popular music, I'm all in. This show is even great if you don't like musicals, it's just fabulous TV. Watch it on Wednesdays at 9, watch it on Hulu, just watch it somehow. You won't regret it.
Must See Theatre - Billy Elliot - Though this musical is a British show at heart, it's themes are universal: fighting for what's right, the struggle to be seen, being yourself. I believe that this show deserved every bit of its 2009 Tony Award for Best Musical. It has everything; a great story, a fabulously talented cast, exciting choreography, exciting and creative direction, high overall production value. And the Billys! They're only 12 or so years old, and they dance with more precision and passion than some people 20 or 30 years their senior. I'm certain that they'll all enjoy healthy careers and totally deserved their Best Actor Tony. I'm also fairly certain that this show isn't going anywhere, so if you get a chance, head over to New York and see it.
Must Hear - Imogen Heap's Ellipse - I love this woman. She makes electronica...beautiful. I wasn't quite sure if her new album was going to live up to her last effort, Speak for Yourself, but it did. In fact, I think she surpassed it in a way. She seems to have matured on this album, and her songs have a great deal of variety. Their exciting one moment, slow another, pensive the next. I particularly like that she's stepped away from the vocoder on some of her tracks; she's even included an instrumental piano track ("The Fire"). This has to be one of my favorite albums this year. Key tracks: "Little Bird", "First Train Home", "Canvas", "Earth", "Swoon", "Aha!".
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Thoughts...
Band camp is this week, and it's just a little bit insane. The actual marching isn't too bad, but I've been so wrapped up in learning new work for color guard and trying not to suck at it that I haven't really learned much of the marching show. Hopefully that can change today, since we're really behind the rest of the band. The color guard work is much more challenging this year and I'm also starting to realize that I really don't work well at night, which is unfortunate because that's the only time our instructors come. So I end up looking like shit for them when in reality I can generally do the work. Not only that, but I get super-frustrated with myself. I honestly don't think there's much I can do about it other than get more sleep and keep repeating my "I love color guard, I love color guard, I love color guard," mantra. I have to go through this for everything I do, whether it be color guard, theatre, singing, band, school, swimming, whatever. I've just gotta push through; the end product is worth the pain.
In other news, the blink-182 concert totally lived up to all the hype I gave it. The whole night was just amazing, despite some minor setbacks (not getting to meet up with my districts host, spilling on myself, the drunk guys behind us, psh whatever). Weezer was ridiculously good; I had no idea Rivers Cuomo had so much energy. He seems so chill in the media, but he's freaking electric on stage. They put on such a good show, I will most definitely see them again. blink-182 themselves were epic; they actually surpassed my expectations, as the general consensus is that they suck live. They were insane in my opinion. Every song totally rocked and the energy was amazing. Not to mention, I had one of the best concert buddies ever :). Overall, I'd say it was a very very good night.
Anywho, I must go, but before I do here's a little mixtape of excellent back-to-school jams.
"Does He Love You?" - Rilo Kiley
"Will You Return" - The Avett Brothers
"First Train Home" - Imogen Heap
"Hate Everyone" - Say Anything
"Open Your Heart" - Lavender Diamond
"Hallelujah" - Paramore
"Now, Now" - St. Vincent
"(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To" - Weezer
"Ignorance" - Paramore
"Run This Town (feat. Rhianna & Kanye West) - Jay-Z. That's right.
Countdown to 18 - 11 days
In other news, the blink-182 concert totally lived up to all the hype I gave it. The whole night was just amazing, despite some minor setbacks (not getting to meet up with my districts host, spilling on myself, the drunk guys behind us, psh whatever). Weezer was ridiculously good; I had no idea Rivers Cuomo had so much energy. He seems so chill in the media, but he's freaking electric on stage. They put on such a good show, I will most definitely see them again. blink-182 themselves were epic; they actually surpassed my expectations, as the general consensus is that they suck live. They were insane in my opinion. Every song totally rocked and the energy was amazing. Not to mention, I had one of the best concert buddies ever :). Overall, I'd say it was a very very good night.
Anywho, I must go, but before I do here's a little mixtape of excellent back-to-school jams.
"Does He Love You?" - Rilo Kiley
"Will You Return" - The Avett Brothers
"First Train Home" - Imogen Heap
"Hate Everyone" - Say Anything
"Open Your Heart" - Lavender Diamond
"Hallelujah" - Paramore
"Now, Now" - St. Vincent
"(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To" - Weezer
"Ignorance" - Paramore
"Run This Town (feat. Rhianna & Kanye West) - Jay-Z. That's right.
Countdown to 18 - 11 days
Saturday, August 22, 2009
This is Why I Love Max Bemis
Max Bemis is amazing. He's been answering questions about Say Anything, their new album, their old stuff, etc. via Twitter recently and today he was asked a question about songwriting. Here's what he had to say:
@danenglishh songwriting; I think the first step is coNfidence; realize what u have to say is worthwhile; u can write as well as ur idols
I completely agree. I've always had confidence issues with my art; I can't live up to my heroes, I'm just not that good, I actually think something's good but I don't want to sound cocky. I'm starting to realize that putting myself down is such bullshit. Letting those vampires get to me isn't going to get me anywhere. So I've been going with an attitude of "Fuck it, I'm awesome,". I won't boast or be douchy about it or anything, but I'm done putting myself down in public. I'm going to start speaking up for my work; if I think something's good, I might as well say so. It's some weird complex that comes with being a girl; we seem to have contests where we sort of brag about how lame we are (i.e. "I'm fat," "I can't sing," "I'm not as pretty as Megan Fox,") and whoever has the most problems wins. I find it kind of really annoying. I'm making it my goal this year to complain less and feel as awesome as I possibly can (without being a douchbag and putting anyone else down). And it's going to start with trying new things. Screenwriting, songwriting, photography, coaching color guard, I'm gonna try to do it all and maintain my sanity. It's gonna be a fun year. :)
@danenglishh songwriting; I think the first step is coNfidence; realize what u have to say is worthwhile; u can write as well as ur idols
I completely agree. I've always had confidence issues with my art; I can't live up to my heroes, I'm just not that good, I actually think something's good but I don't want to sound cocky. I'm starting to realize that putting myself down is such bullshit. Letting those vampires get to me isn't going to get me anywhere. So I've been going with an attitude of "Fuck it, I'm awesome,". I won't boast or be douchy about it or anything, but I'm done putting myself down in public. I'm going to start speaking up for my work; if I think something's good, I might as well say so. It's some weird complex that comes with being a girl; we seem to have contests where we sort of brag about how lame we are (i.e. "I'm fat," "I can't sing," "I'm not as pretty as Megan Fox,") and whoever has the most problems wins. I find it kind of really annoying. I'm making it my goal this year to complain less and feel as awesome as I possibly can (without being a douchbag and putting anyone else down). And it's going to start with trying new things. Screenwriting, songwriting, photography, coaching color guard, I'm gonna try to do it all and maintain my sanity. It's gonna be a fun year. :)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Syracuse Reflections and Ramblings
As my time at Syracuse is coming to a close (crossies for now, at least) I've been thinking about my time here. It's going to be pretty strange coming home. I've gotten so used to living here, sometimes I forget what my room looks like. Ok, that's kind of a stretch, but you get the point. This has become like a second home. Sure, there's not much to do off campus. Sure, I have a pretty small circle of friends. Sure, I've been working pretty damn hard in the summer. Otherwise, though, I've had a pretty good time here. I've learned so much, and I've solidified my choice to be a communications major. Yeah, whatever, I'm still a little torn between journalism and TV/Film, but I've learned enough about both subjects to make a decision at some point. Besides, with most of the schools I'm applying to, you don't even have to declare a specific major within the communications school before your junior year. Plus, taking voice lessons here, I'd be happy to minor in vocal performance. I'm not going to let myself stop singing just because I'm not majoring in music. As with everything here, this program has made me realize that I can do this whole college thing. I'll be alright. Honestly, I'll be happy to come home but I'll be really sad to leave. I like Syracuse and I'll definitely be applying here in the fall. Better start stocking up on warm clothes. :)
On a different note, there's some super-sick concerts coming up back home that I'm dying to see:
8/27 - blink-182, Weezer, Taking Back Sunday, Chester French - Susquehana Bank Center - Chances of going: Very high, seeing as I already have tickets. I just had to add this again because I'm that excited. :)
9/17 - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Nightman Cometh Live - Tower Theater - Chances of going: Mediocre. I would love to see the live version of the completely absurd musical from the TV show (which was absolutely hilarious), but considering the amount of concerts in September (and the possible lack of tickets available) it may not happen. However, we can hope.
9/19-9/20 - Dave Matthews Band - Susquehana Bank Center - Chances of going - Relatively high, I mentioned the show to my parents a few weeks ago and they seemed game. Yeah, going to shows with your parents is a little lame, but everyone needs a good excuse. I'm a big fan of the DMB and have yet to see all of them live (I saw Dave alone at Farm Aid '06). And I'm fairly certain I won't be the only Radnorite there.
9/23 - The Walkmen - TLA - Chances of going: Medium. I do like the Walkmen, though I only know some of their music. I'm always up for a good show, and I jumped a little at the chance to see these guys with my friend Laura. However, my chances of going have been lowered by the fact that this next show is the next day...
9/24 - Regina Spektor - Electric Factory - Chances of going: In my opinion, high. I will be at this show. I kind of need to see my idol live. It's on a weeknight, you say? Psh, hasn't stopped me before. :)
9/25 - The Spring Standards - Kennet Square, PA - Chances of going: Unfortunately slim. Yes, this trio is one of my faves (definitely check them out if you haven't heard of them, they're delectible), but unfortunately they scheduled a concert on a Friday night during football season, which means I will be twirling a flag on the football field instead. The things we sacrifice for love.
11/1 - Say Anything with Eisley, Moneen, and Moving Mountains - TLA - Chances of going: High. I'm going to this one, no questions asked. Say Anything is just too good to miss, and Eisley ain't half bad either. I'm so excited for what's in store from SA; new single and video in a few weeks, new album in October, concerts galore, all of which I'm sure will be excellent.
Needless to say, It's gonna be a fun fall. :)
On a different note, there's some super-sick concerts coming up back home that I'm dying to see:
8/27 - blink-182, Weezer, Taking Back Sunday, Chester French - Susquehana Bank Center - Chances of going: Very high, seeing as I already have tickets. I just had to add this again because I'm that excited. :)
9/17 - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Nightman Cometh Live - Tower Theater - Chances of going: Mediocre. I would love to see the live version of the completely absurd musical from the TV show (which was absolutely hilarious), but considering the amount of concerts in September (and the possible lack of tickets available) it may not happen. However, we can hope.
9/19-9/20 - Dave Matthews Band - Susquehana Bank Center - Chances of going - Relatively high, I mentioned the show to my parents a few weeks ago and they seemed game. Yeah, going to shows with your parents is a little lame, but everyone needs a good excuse. I'm a big fan of the DMB and have yet to see all of them live (I saw Dave alone at Farm Aid '06). And I'm fairly certain I won't be the only Radnorite there.
9/23 - The Walkmen - TLA - Chances of going: Medium. I do like the Walkmen, though I only know some of their music. I'm always up for a good show, and I jumped a little at the chance to see these guys with my friend Laura. However, my chances of going have been lowered by the fact that this next show is the next day...
9/24 - Regina Spektor - Electric Factory - Chances of going: In my opinion, high. I will be at this show. I kind of need to see my idol live. It's on a weeknight, you say? Psh, hasn't stopped me before. :)
9/25 - The Spring Standards - Kennet Square, PA - Chances of going: Unfortunately slim. Yes, this trio is one of my faves (definitely check them out if you haven't heard of them, they're delectible), but unfortunately they scheduled a concert on a Friday night during football season, which means I will be twirling a flag on the football field instead. The things we sacrifice for love.
11/1 - Say Anything with Eisley, Moneen, and Moving Mountains - TLA - Chances of going: High. I'm going to this one, no questions asked. Say Anything is just too good to miss, and Eisley ain't half bad either. I'm so excited for what's in store from SA; new single and video in a few weeks, new album in October, concerts galore, all of which I'm sure will be excellent.
Needless to say, It's gonna be a fun fall. :)
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