Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Black Plague of 2009

I generally love the month of October. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. The trees are burning red and yellow and looking absolutely perfect before this state becomes a frozen tundra for three-ish months. Despite the stress, the craziness of LM preparations and practices is actually kind of fun. Football season picks up, baseball postseason is in full swing (no pun intended), school spirit is generally increasing. So why have I been sick twice this month already?

My whole body hurts. I could barely walk down the stairs this morning. I can't really speak.

Unfortunately, this is the third day of this.

This swine flu business doesn't even make me special or anything. Everyone is sick. I've never seen so many people updating their Facebook statuses (generally to say "sick" or "DYINNNNG") when they're supposed to be in school. I can't even figure out a plan of action for this. I guess we could do what the nearby Catholic high schools did and shut down the school to sterilize it. At least that way we wouldn't be missing that much work.

Maybe this is a sick way of my body telling me to slow down. And trust me, I'm going to try my darndest to listen from now on. This is so not worth it.

I guess I'm just mad because a) my dad watched the Phillies clinch the NLCS last night in person while I sat on the couch in pain, or b) I clearly can't go to the haunted house with band tonight.

I want to get out of this house. I NEED to get out of this house. I actually want to go to the football game tomorrow night. I want to see people. I'm tired of being isolated.

There's a few things keeping me from completely losing it: the Phightin Phils, my DVR of tasty programing, and my boy. :)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Paint the Black Hole Blacker...

I think I'll talk about my feelings today.

So I've officially thrown every notion of what I thought Senior Year was going to be like out the window. Then again, I was fairly certain that was going to happen anyway. This idea that this year is the best year of your life is kind of BS. As a friend of mine put it, if this is the best year of our lives then we're really screwed. We're only 17/18 for Christ's sake.

I always thought this was the year that I didn't have to care (thanks a heap, former Seniors). Guess who's caring, as usual? I guess I'll never get used to the, "Eh, this doesn't really matter" attitude. I'll probably be studying even when I'm out of school. It's probably the Virgo in me, the over-achiever. I want to do well. I want to impress people. I want to be successful. And how do I go about doing this? I give up sleep, I make myself sick (not literally of course), I sacrifice weekends that I could've used to get away from this town, I constantly overbook myself. All in the name of my education. All for the need to be the best.

Maybe I'm predisposed to this thinking. Maybe it's my anxiety. Maybe it's the hyper-competitive school I go to. Whatever it is I'm sure I'll figure it out somehow, even though I'm slowly learning that there are only a few things in life that we're able to control. In the meantime, all we can do is count our blessings and leave the rest up to Jesus.