Paint the Black Hole Blacker...

I think I'll talk about my feelings today.

So I've officially thrown every notion of what I thought Senior Year was going to be like out the window. Then again, I was fairly certain that was going to happen anyway. This idea that this year is the best year of your life is kind of BS. As a friend of mine put it, if this is the best year of our lives then we're really screwed. We're only 17/18 for Christ's sake.

I always thought this was the year that I didn't have to care (thanks a heap, former Seniors). Guess who's caring, as usual? I guess I'll never get used to the, "Eh, this doesn't really matter" attitude. I'll probably be studying even when I'm out of school. It's probably the Virgo in me, the over-achiever. I want to do well. I want to impress people. I want to be successful. And how do I go about doing this? I give up sleep, I make myself sick (not literally of course), I sacrifice weekends that I could've used to get away from this town, I constantly overbook myself. All in the name of my education. All for the need to be the best.

Maybe I'm predisposed to this thinking. Maybe it's my anxiety. Maybe it's the hyper-competitive school I go to. Whatever it is I'm sure I'll figure it out somehow, even though I'm slowly learning that there are only a few things in life that we're able to control. In the meantime, all we can do is count our blessings and leave the rest up to Jesus.