Sunday, April 25, 2010

Dear Friend,

"I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have...I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist. I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it's that simple. At least that's what I've heard.
So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."
- Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

So I know you don't exactly know what I'm going through. No one knows that but me. Shit, I don't even know what I'm feeling half the time or more importantly why I'm feeling it. All I know is that I don't want to go through it anymore. I can't live like this, if you can call this living. I saw how you were, though, and I can relate. I'm so much like you. I'm just so cautious, though...I'm so caught up in the bad things that I can't see the good that this could do. Then I look at you. You seem like you're OK now. Maybe not totally OK but at least...better. That's what I want. I want to be better. That's never going to happen if I don't give this a shot. I don't have to just put up with this. You didn't.

I won't call this giving up. I'll call it just trying something different. And I know that I can talk to you and someday I will. Everyone deserves a shot at being OK...why not me? I'm still hopeful.

Kate Nash got it right. This time it will be different.


  1. wait, so as I was reading this, a song called "this is my life" was playing in the background. freaky.

    PS. have you ever watched "The Battery's Down" on youtube? It's amazing and filled with braodways starts and special guests like Jgroff and Matt Morrison. LOVE IT.

  2. oh yes, i've been watching (well watched, it's over now) TBD since it came out! i think i actually wrote something about it on here back in the summer. :)